Is it okay to feel angry at the person who scammed me?
Absolutely — anger is a natural, healthy response to being deliberately deceived and harmed, and it is a normal stage of recovery when channelled constructively rather than allowed to become consuming or harmful.
Last reviewed: 10 June 2026
Explanation
Anger following victimisation is a psychologically healthy and appropriate response. It reflects an accurate recognition that a wrong was done to you — a person deliberately chose to deceive you for their own gain, causing real harm. Anger is the appropriate emotional response to injustice, and feeling it does not make you a bad person or suggest you are stuck.
The question is not whether to feel angry but how to work with that anger constructively. Some people channel anger into positive action — reporting the scam, warning others, advocating for better consumer protections, or volunteering with anti-fraud organisations. This can transform a painful experience into something purposeful.
Angry feelings become problematic when they are consuming significant mental energy, interfering with daily functioning, or being directed inward as self-blame. If you find yourself ruminating intensely and unable to function normally, or if anger is being turned inward into shame, speaking with a counsellor can help process and redirect it.
You are entitled to be angry. You were wronged. Processing that anger at a pace that works for you, with support if needed, is part of recovery.
Common red flags
- Anger is consuming most of your daily mental energy
- You are taking risks trying to track down or confront the scammer — this can be dangerous
- Anger is being directed at yourself rather than at the perpetrator
- Intense anger is affecting your relationships or work
What to do now
- Allow yourself to feel angry without judging the feeling
- Consider channelling anger into positive action: reporting, warning others, advocacy
- Exercise, writing, or creative outlets can help process intense emotions
- If anger feels overwhelming, speak with a counsellor or therapist
- Avoid actions that could be dangerous or escalate contact with the scammer
Frequently asked questions
Should I try to contact the scammer to confront them?
This is generally not advisable. Scammers rarely respond with remorse and may use further contact as an opportunity to attempt more fraud. In some cases, confronting a scammer can escalate the situation in ways that could affect your safety. Reporting to authorities is a safer way to pursue accountability.
Is anger a stage of grief?
Yes — models of grief include anger as a recognised stage, and the experience of being scammed can involve genuine grief for the money lost, the relationship lost (in romance scams), or the trust lost. Understanding your anger as part of a grief process can make it feel less frightening and more manageable.