How To Help a Loved One Leave a Romance Scam
Supportive, practical guidance for helping someone you care about recognise and safely exit a romance scam — without shame or confrontation.
Last reviewed: 1 June 2026
Romance scams work because they feel completely real to the person involved. The 'relationship' has often been built over weeks or months with genuine emotional investment. Telling someone their partner is a scammer can feel like an attack on something they cherish, and confrontation almost always backfires. The most effective approach combines patience, empathy, and gentle questions that help the person reach their own conclusions — while also putting practical financial safeguards in place.
Understand what they're experiencing
Before trying to help, recognise that from their perspective this is a real relationship. The feelings are genuine even if the other person is not. Approaching this with compassion — not exasperation — is not just kinder, it's more effective.
- Their emotional bond is real to them, even if the other person isn't who they claim
- Shame and embarrassment may make them defensive
- Scammers often warn victims that family will 'try to stop you'
- Patience and repeated gentle check-ins work better than a single confrontation
Questions that help, not accuse
Rather than stating 'this is a scam', ask open questions that gently introduce doubt and encourage independent checking. The goal is to help them find the evidence themselves.
- Have you video-called face to face, unannounced?
- Has the relationship moved very fast emotionally?
- Have there been requests for money or gift cards?
- Have you reverse-searched their photos?
- Why do they always have a reason they can't meet?
Practical financial safeguards
While working on the relationship dynamic, you can also take practical steps to protect finances — especially if payments have already been made.
- Encourage them to speak to their bank about what has been sent
- Suggest pausing any further transfers while they 'think things over'
- Offer to look at the online profile together using a reverse image search
- Contact the bank directly if you believe there is a serious, immediate risk
After they leave the scam
Recovery from a romance scam involves both financial and emotional loss. Support without blame is essential, and professional support may help.
- Acknowledge both the financial and emotional loss without minimising either
- Never say 'I told you so' — focus entirely on next steps
- Help them report to Action Fraud or the local equivalent
- Suggest professional counselling if they're struggling
- Be alert for 'recovery scams' that target people who've already been victimised
Conversation script
“I can see this relationship means a lot to you, and I'm not trying to take that away — I'm just worried, and I want to share that with you.”
“Would you be open to doing a quick reverse image search on their photos together? It would set my mind at rest.”
“If everything checks out, great. But if something looks off, I'll be right here with you.”
Frequently asked questions
They won't listen to me — should I involve the bank?
If you genuinely believe a vulnerable person is being financially exploited and large sums are being sent, you can contact their bank directly to raise a concern. The bank cannot share account information with you, but they can apply safeguards. This is a last resort — prioritise the relationship where possible.
They left the scam but are devastated — how do I help?
Acknowledge both losses: the money and the relationship they believed in. Avoid revisiting how it happened. Help with practical steps like reporting and bank contact. Suggest professional counselling if the emotional impact is significant — this is a form of bereavement for many people.
Could they be targeted again?
Unfortunately, people who have been scammed can be targeted again, including by 'recovery scams' that promise to retrieve lost money for a fee. Gently warn them about this after they've had some time to process the first experience.